Combining Different Communication Styles to Build Effective Communication Skills

There are 3 styles of communication human usually used in their social interaction. 

1. Passive communication: Communication style used by someone who only follows, obeys, or agrees to other person statements without giving proper response to those statements (one-way communication). 
2. Assertive communication: Two-way communication that allows both parties to convey their opinions and responds to each others opinion in order to achieve win-win solutions.
3. Aggressive communication: Communication style used by someone who is forcing his personal opinion without giving chance for the other persons to convey their opinions or considering others opinions (one-way communication).

Each communication model can be easily described by following tag lines.

• Passive: You step on me
• Assertive: Both are protected
• Aggressive: I step on you

This table below summarizes characteristic for each communication style.

	Passive	Assertive	Aggressive
Words	Yes sir; Okay, I will, mom; Indeed you’re right;	That’s a good idea, but what do you think if …?; What’s your view about this?; Any opinion?; Are you okay with it?;	No, you can’t …; Yeah, but …; The point is, you must …; I don’t care; You are such <bad judgment>;
Body Language	Head down; Leaning back; Eyes lack of focus, avoid direct eye-contact; Less expressive; Talk quietly; Nodding; Hands are attached to body, stiff, try to close and protect personal space;	Hand movement is dynamic; Open posture, not-defensive; Eyes pay attention to the speaker; Leaning towards speaker, still in safe social distance; Expressive; Smile, once in a while; Sympathetic touch (body contact);	Pointing; Invade someone space; Intimidating stare; Intimidating face expression; High intonation;
Way of Thinking	Feel of inferior (in terms of position, age, expertise, power)	Open- minded; Empathetic; Sympathetic;	Feel of superior; Do not want to be troubled anymore;

This table below summarizes advantage and disadvantage of each communication style.

	Passive	Assertive	Aggressive
Advantages	Short communication time; Place you in safe or comfort zone;	Win-win solution; Everybody’s satisfied and happy;	Short communication time; Statements/instructions are more clearly stated and conveyed; Can draw more attention;
Disadvantages	Personal opinion or interest cannot be channeled properly; Lead to resentments; Can be driven by others;	Communication time tends to be longer;	Can lead to conflict; Lead to resentments;

Assertive communication style is often regarded as the best communication style because each party channels opinions properly and strives to find a win-win solution. However, in reality, assertive communication cannot be used at all times, in all situations and conditions. Sometimes passive and aggressive communication styles are more effective to use than the assertive. This of course depends on the circumstances that are going on. It requires skills of individuals to determine appropriate communication styles to be used in certain conditions. It's recommended that You can use assertive communication as your primary style of communication. The combination these three communication styles is required in order to build effective communication skills.

Illustration: 

• When one is dealing with people who are more superior to him, such as the CEO or the president, he chose to use passive communication because he wants the speaker feels respected and he can stay in safe zone. 
• When someone wants to borrow money to his friend in an emergency, he would choose to passively agree with his friend’s requirements of because he’s afraid change his mind and doesn’t want to lend his money. 
• When the contractor has not completed the task that has been assigned a month ago, and already instructed on good terms for several times, a supervisor chose to use aggressive communication so that the contractor will feel bad and finish the task immediately. 
• When her friend had not paid off her debts and been late for almost a year, a person chooses to collect debts aggressively.